Before I begin this post, I just wanna say that the reason I am listening to this angry angry song is because I just want to scream this at people sometimes. Especially at people who think they know anything about me when really they know nothing. Judgements suck. I love this song.
Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!! My mom says she doesn't know who she's more aggravated at: Me or him. She turned off my cell phone and later took it from me so I couldn't call. I have it back now, but I'm NOT GONNA CALL! And I'm not gonna cry today either cause I can't. I'll just walk around like a zombie with my mom wherever she takes me cause I'm not allowed to be alone.
She asked me what I wanted for my birthday last night, and for the first time ever, I really didn't want anything. Nothing. I am so sick of everything material. I want a savings account for my birthday, mom. Just put in 50 bucks so I can start now saving for the house that I will live alone in 3 years from now. I have this urge to just go sell all of my stuff. My books, my clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, my sewing machine, my stuffed animals, my plates, my cds. I would spare only a few items: Sloppy Firsts, favorite jeans, a tank top, maybe brand new and bright eyes, and a pair of flops I guess.
I have these dreams now. Ones where like all I do is work. I work and work and I succeed. I have 2 or 3 jobs at a time. I make lots of money and I don't buy anything. I just make my house payments and put the rest in savings. I'm obsessed with saving. And I think about all these things I wanted to do before. Trips I wanted to take. But I don't want to anymore. Because without someone with me, what's the point?
But I'm not the person everyone keeps seeing me as right now. I haven't been myself, not fully, since about october. Maybe I won't be at all this year, but I'll have all summer to try and regain happiness and next year I can go back to school and it will be so totally different from this year. I'll still get to live with the best roommate ever, only in a better place and I'll be better prepared. And Bailey and Tori will be right next door. :) I can't wait.
Anyways-random, but here is something happy. i owe this journal something happy and light. it's just something that I found in one of my mom's old magazines and I really really like it because I feel this way about certain candies too. Black licorice and dark chocolate in particular:
Sweets to stay away from: (Candies that, believe it or not, this writer would never buy- and why.)
Velamints: Try eating an entire pack in one sitting. You will never, ever do it again.
Hard Candies: I like to believe the inventor of hard candies said, "Let's produce a candy for people to give away." Hard candies are for banks, real estate agencies, anywhere you want to offer candy but don't want people to be greedy. Put out Hershy's Hugs; they'll last a day. Line your lobby with Lemon Drops and you'll refill once a month. (Exceptions: butterscotches and root-beer barrels.)
Black Licorice: People either are or aren't; I'm not. But I think eating it is very classy.
Dark Chocolate: Again, a sophisticated choice. If I were are dark-chocolate eater, my personality would be completely different. I would be better at wearing hats. I would be able to tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue. I would not find self-depricating humor funny, just puzzling.
Anything crunchy: You know: Nestle Crunch, Krackel, Kit Kat, Whatchamacalit. Cruch brings too much air with it. I'm not going to argue with the crunch market, but I'm not buying.
Mary Janes: The bane of pinatas. Mary Janes are simply too much of a challenge for my teeth.
Redundant candy bars: Oh Henry! and Pay Day must have loyal followers, but if I'm going to have nuts in my candy (which is a big if), I'm going to get a Snickers.